Combination again

Don't know why, suddenly felt like want to write something here...
I hate the word- sorry. very much!!! I don't know since when I started to hate this word. I even don't know why. I just know that I don't like it especially for those who are close to me. You know, sometimes when I receive the sorry messages, I will somehow feel so sad... and... it's hurt... I write it here just because I always received sorry messages from my friends. I really hope that I won't receive such message because some of the sorry messages can cause me cry. Even you all really did something to me which is wrong or what, but I would rather you all just keep quiet and don't say sorry... Maybe sometimes I'm the one who always say sorry to you all... Can you all just accept my apologize but try not to say sorry to me?! sigh......

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I'm not happy...
Really not happy...
Maybe some of you might felt that I'm super ok nowadays as I never complain to you all. I'm just try to keep everything to myself. I knew you all cannot help me anything and maybe some of you might scold me if you all know what's going on. Don't ask me after reading my blog please... I don't know what to say and what to tell. But the most important thing is should I tell??
Hmm... don't know. Believe me, I really don't know.

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That day, first time ever, I felt that I had changed. I thought I can accept but I cant! I thought I wont care much about it but I care! I thought I'm selfish in everything but I'm not! I thought I will be fine but I'm not... Before that, I really wont care so much things. I'll just behave the ways I want to be and do whatever things that I like. But now, I'll force myself to behave the opposite and try my best to cover it. I dare not to show others about what I care and I dare not to trust a person in everything. Even when someone told me or promised me about something, I wont trust him/her 100%. That's just because I scare if I trust it but end up he/she break the promises, I'll get the disappointment. Maybe this is the way I used to protect myself from being hurt. But, am I right? Is it this is what I suppose to do??

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I'm tired... very tired... mentally and physically tired.
I'm still thinking about the prediction... Really hope that it's a positive prediction but I'm always think about the negative...
I don't want to stay alone. Alone means I'm free and I'm able to think this and that. I hate that feeling... hate it very much...

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People, don't do something that force me to hate you... You know, the feeling if you hate your friend especially someone that you care... it's so pain. Pain because of the feeling hate. Pain because we cant treat each other as usual. Pain because I care you but I have to force myself to hate you...


@friends, what I wrote today are what I had kept inside my heart for quite sometime. The people and someone I mentioned above not necessary means all of you. Just read it & that's already more than enough.@

忐忑不安 =((

I'm no longer 'me'...
Nowadays always struggling with assignments and other stuffs.
Trying hard to concentrate but... cant.
I cant feel my soul... T__T
For those who concerned about me, sorry...
I just want to keep it for myself.
And one more thing, my quote: "I just want to be myself" seems like hard to do it recently.
All the best to those who struggling with assignments and problems^^
To those who concerned about me, thank you & I love you all =))
Mommy & my doggy too, I love you=))
Thank you for be with me all the times~~